Okay, now I’m kinda new to this. I’m not exactly sure if this is a Mary Sue, but the OC seems pretty bad to me. Not the worst, but bad nonetheless. Now let’s rip into this, shall we?

Ooooh boy, looks like we’ve got a Goth OC on our hands. This should be fun.

Name: Kim 

Age: 13 
personallity: kind, sweet, and alotlike cream 
Likes: Teddy bears, Dango, Plushies, Cream, Kassity, Noah, Jo, and Angelina 
Dislikes: not having her stuffed animals, plushies or Dangos 

Well, it seems like pretty standard stuff for now. But the thing is, a lot like cream is NOT a personality trait. It’s basically just copying off someone else’s personality if you were to say that. Already a little bit of a problem, but hey, it can’t be that bad yet.

Part of Team: Flash Part in Team: Darkness 

Ookay, I’m just gonna assume this is all part of her little OC circle.

Bio: Kim always loved her plushies, at the age 5, she recieved her first was from her Father.She plushie.It started to get oppsesed with Plushies, dumplings and stuffed animals.One day she lost faviorte her one of all time, It was an Emo / Scene boy reallized plushie.As soon as she was gone it mind.Her she lost her hair was out of place, her eyes were as red as the devil, When She Looked at people Either or something They would be paralyzed, dead, or destroyd.

Okay, seriously? Not only does the spelling seem a bit..bad, not bashing or anything, but it’s also a generic bad OC reaction to losing something that they like. What I got from this was she lost her Plushie, which quite frankly sounds like it’d be found in a rundown market, and she basically went batshit crazy. This is seriously a peeve of mine when someone gives them a pretty much generic Biography. Lose something dear to them, go insane. And talk about overpowered too. I guess with her looks really can kill….ugh.

She eveyone That thought was a suspect of her missing plushie, Millions of people were afraid of her. One other day, she went so crazy she Caused a tornado, earthquake, and a Tsunaimi all at the same time.She could not see anything after all of the damage was done.There was a huge cloud of smoke.

…..REALLY? That is WAY overpowered! Causing a tornado, earthquake, AND tsunami at the same time seems almost impossible for almost ANY OC. Plus, why wasn’t she blindfolded and detained almost immediately after people started dying from looks? This doesn’t make sense to me, at all. Jesus christ, this OC seems pretty bad.

Let’s finish this off so I can keep my sanity.

Hours later she woke to find herself in a bed.She went downstairs to see a family without a father . Umm hi plushie is this yours? said Kassity.Yes said Kim, where did you find it.Kassity i found it in the near by river.Thanks “kim said,” No problem said kassity.Afterthat day, she stayed at the house . Base goes to the owner

She went downstairs to see a family without a Father.”

Really? REALLY? I knew it. There just had to be a little bit of Angst there too. What’s worse is it’s so hard to distinguish dialogue from narration. Use quotation marks for god’s sake! And why would they let a girl who caused THREE DISASTERS AT THE SAME TIME stay at their home? Ya think they’d just get her out and get her detained or something? Nope, apparently that’s not how it works there. Ergh. I’m done with this OC. It’s certainly not the worst, but there’s quite abit of generic stuff in there, very little basic information, and a bit of a reeeeally bad Backstory. Could use a lot of work there. The appearance doesn’t help either. 

Sorry if this review wasn’t done correctly, I’m not exactly experienced with reviewing. ._.

-Banana

posted 10 months ago @ 10 Sep 2013 with 23 notes
xmary sue xinsane backstory xoverpowered xgoth xcontrols the elements xsubmission
  1. mage-of-eternal-time reblogged this from marysuefacepalm
  2. toxicgluttony reblogged this from marysuefacepalm
  3. unintelligability submitted this to marysuefacepalm